Celebrity News:

*She can not be stopped. Oprah Winfrey has announced that she will launch her own television network through a 50-50 partnership with Discovery Communications to be titled the Oprah Winfrey Network, or OWN.

The channel, to be programmed entirely by Winfrey, will debut next year in place of the old Discovery Health channel and reach 70 million homes in the U.S. The network will also be simulcast in HD.

"Fifteen years ago, I wrote in my journal that one day I would create a television network, as I always felt my show was just the beginning of what the future could hold," said Winfrey. "For me, the launch of The Oprah Winfrey Network is the evolution of the work I've been doing on television all these years and a natural extension of my show."

While details of programs have yet to be decided, a mission statement for OWN expresses a desire to "create multiple platforms for women, men and their families with a purpose and a passion: to celebrate life, to inspire and entertain, empowering viewers around the world to live their best lives, and by doing so, lift the lives of those around them in ever-widening circles."

Discovery Communications chief David Zaslav said programming will be in Winfrey's "own voice," and some of Winfrey's stable of regular contributors could be expected to be part of the programming.

"There is no stronger voice than Oprah Winfrey in engaging, motivating and connecting people to live healthier lives," said Zaslav.
"Oprah has inspired me personally, and through this new venture, Oprah's talent and drive will have a dedicated multimedia platform to empower, engage and connect with people on-air and on-line.

"At Discovery, our goals are to improve the quality of the networks while expanding the reach and success of our web presence. This venture does both, and having Oprah as Chairman and creative leader makes OWN a very unique property in a crowded media landscape."

The venture's cash-free transaction also involved Winfrey turning over her Web site Oprah.com to Discovery, while the communications company makes her chairman of the network.

Meanwhile, Oprah may have gained a network, but she lost her No. 1 position in Harris Poll's annual tally of favorite television personalities to Ellen DeGeneres, who jumped from No. 8 last year to knock Winfrey into second place.

Jay Leno, "House" star Hugh Laurie and comedian Jon Stewart rounded out the top five.


TYRA GETS HILLARY TO TALK ABOUT BILL'S CHEATING: Sen. Clinton gets real personal during taping of Banks' talk show.

*During a taping of the "Tyra Banks Show" Monday, Hillary Clinton spoke candidly and at length about the pain she endured when her husband, former president Bill Clinton, had his White House fling with former staffer Monica Lewinsky.

"I really had to dig down deep and think hard about what was right for me, what was right for my family," the Democratic presidential hopeful told Banks in an appearance set to air Friday.

In explaining her decision to stay in the marriage, she told Tyra: "I never doubted Bill’s love for me ever, and I never doubted my faith and my commitment to our daughter and our extended family."

Her initial reaction to his infidelity, however, was not as diplomatic. In fact, she admitted to dealing with a range of emotions - from anger to embarrassment.

"The momentary feelings — you know, you are mad, you are really upset, you are disappointed — all of that goes through your mind …" Clinton said. "I have found you really shouldn’t make decisions in the heat of those moments."

After surviving such a high-profile affair, Banks noted, women must come up and say, "My husband is stepping out on me," and ask, "What is Clinton’s advice?"

"I say you have to be true to yourself," Clinton said. "No one story is the same as any other story. I don’t know your reality. I can’t possibly substitute my judgment for yours. … You have to do what is right for you and that may not be what anybody else believes."


LUDACRIS, J.T, SOULJA BOY READY FOR SUPER BOWL: Artists involved in various game-related ventures.

*Ludacris has been tapped to perform at ESPN The Magazine's Next party on Feb. 1 as part of a number of events leading up to the Feb. 3rd Super Bowl at Arizona's University of Phoenix Stadium.

"(It) feels good to be back in Arizona," said Ludacris in a statement. "Phoenix is the hometown of my artist Willie Northpole so it's only right to bring `Disturbing Tha Peace' back home."

Soulja Boy Tell'em has also been booked by ESPN the Magazine to host a dance challenge featuring athletes most likely attempting to master his "Crank Dat (Soulja Boy)" choreography.

As previously reported, Mary J. Blige and Maroon 5 will perform at "The VH1 Pepsi Smash Superbowl Bash" on Jan. 31; the concert will air on the cable network Feb. 2.

Speaking of Pepsi, Justin Timberlake has filmed a stunt-filled commercial for the soft drink that will air during the Super Bowl. The spot, dubbed "Magnetic Attraction," promotes the company's "Pepsi Stuff" campaign by showing how every sip of Pepsi gets you closer to the music and "stuff"you want.

The singer does a number of wild stunts that have him flying high and rolling low as he narrowly escapes disaster at every turn.

Beginning February 1, consumers purchasing Pepsi products can "bank" their points on PepsiStuff.com and redeem them for prizes including DRM-free MP3 music downloads, electronics and apparel.


EXPERT WITNESS LIMITED IN R. KELLY CASE: Dr. Sharon Cooper still not allowed to testify about victim's repeated denials.

*A hearing was held Monday in R. Kelly's slow-moving child pornography case to decide whether expert witness Dr. Sharon Cooper can cover several different areas, as prosecutors had originally requested.

Dr. Cooper was sought by prosecutors to testify on the age of the girl on the tape based on forensic pediatrics, the identification of the man on the tape based on the vein pattern on his hands, and the behavior profile of the girl based on the psychology of child sex-abuse victims.

Judge Vincent Gaughan had previously ruled that Dr. Cooper could testify about the victim's age, but not the behavior profile, so prosecutors had asked him to reconsider.

According to MTV.com, Gaughan ruled again Monday that Dr. Cooper would not be able to testify about why the girl in the case would deny that she was a victim, or how common denial is in sex-abuse cases.

Kelly is due back in court March 12 for another pre-trial hearing, while the trial itself is slated to start on May 9.


BEYONCE'S BODYGUARD OFFENDS FASHION DIRECTOR: Plus, singer launches a new mobile phone game.

*Beyonce and her boyfriend Jay-Z caused a little protocol malfunction Saturday night on the front row of Versace men's fashion show in Milan, the ripple effect of which may result in the collection being banned from Bergdorf Goodman stores this year.

Here's how the New York Post's Page Six told it:

"Tommy Fazio, the men's fashion director for the luxury store, showed up to the Versace men's show in Milan and took his usual front-row seat, and all was well until the late arrival of Beyoncé and Jay-Z.

"According to our insider, the standing-room-only event was pushed even later when Beyoncé's hulking bodyguard didn't have a seat. Our shocked spy said, 'A minion, who obviously had no idea who Tommy was, told him to get up so the guard could sit down.'

"Fazio wasn't pleased and said, 'Fine - I don't stand at shows, so please escort me to the door.' Afterward, Fazio canceled his post-show appointment with the fashion house. Onlookers were shocked, but Beyoncé was blissfully unaware as she went from the show to the GQ party that followed, where she sat in a corner with Jay-Z and 'read the magazine before leaving after 15 minutes.'

"A rep for Versace said, 'Obviously there was some confusion with the show, but it had nothing to do with Beyoncé or her bodyguard. It happens occasionally at shows.'"

Meanwhile, the singer has partnered with Starwave Mobile to launch a new mobile phone called Beyoncé Fashion Diva.

The device doubles as a mobile game with an online social networking component "which immerses players in a world of self-expression, confidence and style."

It also features the Deréon clothing line, the fashion collection created by Beyoncé and her mother, designer, Tina Knowles. The phone allows players to create and style a personal Diva through many different clothes, shoes, accessories, hairstyles and facial features; enter photo shoots and engage in other community activities to compete against online players and earn virtual currency; make friends worldwide to increase their Diva’s popularity and strut on the Kitty KatWalk; earn a chance to be featured in the game’s Déjà Vu magazine; spend virtual currency to purchase new virtual clothes from the Deréon line and increase their Diva’s style factor; enjoy clips of popular Beyoncé songs from her hit album ‘B’Day’; including "Beautiful Liar" and "Green Light."

Beyoncé said: "I love fashion and used to spend hours playing 'dress up' when I was a young girl. As an adult, I still enjoy getting dressed up for my appearances. I believe our customers truly enjoy fashion as well and this mobile game is so much fun to play; it allows everyone to be a Fashion Diva."

Beyoncé Fashion Diva is now available through major U.S. carriers. The mobile game is also available on Beyoncé’s new 'B' phone by Samsung. For more information, fans can visit www.beyoncefashiondiva.com or text BDIVA to
55655 (standard messaging and airtime rates apply).


TIFFANY 'NEW YORK' POLLARD DENIES SEX TAPE RUMOR: Rep says footage on MediaTakeOut is not the reality star.

*Lizzie Grubman, the publicist who famously mowed down a bunch of club-goers with her SUV in 2001, is now working for VH1 star Tiffany "New York" Pollard and denies that her client is involved in a sex tape currently making rounds on the Internet.

On Sunday, MediaTakeOut.com released what it claimed was footage of a sexual encounter between the Flavor of Love star and one of its "readers." The reader said "he and New York met up at a Miami club a few months ago and the two of them had a … A-HEM … romantic encounter together."

Grubman released a statement Tuesday saying the story is not true. "Tiffany Pollard 100% did not participate in any sex tape of any kind."

According to People magazine, a source close to New York says she's very upset that her name is attached to the explicit footage being circulated.

"If she had a sex tape, she would admit to it," says the source, according to People. "That’s her personality. She has nothing to hide. For someone to make a sex tape and say it’s her — when it’s not — is just not right."

Meanwhile, New York is still engaged to her "I Love New York 2"
winner Tailor Made, a.k.a. George Weisgerber, who is reportedly "upset that this happened to her," says the source. "But he supports her. He’s so in love with her."


WILL SMITH'S SON JADEN CAST IN SCI-FI REMAKE: Nine-year-old to star in new version of 'The Day the Earth Stood Still.'

*Will Smith's son Jaden Smith will get his science fiction on in Fox's upcoming remake of "The Day the Earth Stood Still," according to various trade reports.

The 9-year-old has been cast in the role of Jacob, the rebellious 8-year-old stepson of scientist Helen Benson (Jennifer Connelly) who first
makes contact with the humanoid alien Klaatu (Keanu Reeves).

Klaatu's arrival on Earth triggers a global upheaval as governments and scientists race to unravel the mystery behind his appearance. Jacob and Helen get caught up in Klaatu's mission, coming to understand the ramifications of his being a self-described "friend to the Earth."

Kathy Bates and newly-crowned Golden Globe winner Jon Hamm ("Mad
Men") will also star in the project, which was originally released in 1951. The new version is currently filming in Vancouver under director Scott Derrickson.


WHAT HAS TRACEY EDMONDS GOTTEN HERSELF IN TO? Word has it that a marriage to Eddie Murphy comes with house rules.

*Based on stories that leaked from Eddie Murphy's previous marriage to Nicole Murphy, gossip reporter Janet Charlton says his new bride, Tracey Edmonds, is in for an interesting ride.

Charlton wrote on her blog: "Eddie has strict rules. He expected his beautiful wife Nicole to appear at the breakfast table every day with her makeup and hair DONE, and looking very together.

But she was for his eyes only. He instructed every guy who worked at the house - gardeners, repairmen, pool men etc, NOT to look directly at her!
Anyone caught staring at Nicole was instantly fired.

We're guessing he'll have to lighten up on the rules with Tracey. But how does he explain Johnny Gill living in a wing of the house"?


JILL SCOTT DINES WITH A MODEL: Plus singer launches new line of plus sized lingerie.

*Back in the dating pool after splitting with her husband Lyzell, Jill Scott reportedly found a hot prospect the other day during her photo shoot for Allure magazine.

According to the New York Post, the powerhouse singer was working with famed photographer Michael Thompson and stylist Paul Cavaco when someone in the room caught her eye.

"She liked the male model," a source told Page Six, adding she was later spotted at Nobu with the same man, described by the column as a "hunky Hispanic model."

Meanwhile, Scott's company J Heather Inc. has entered into an exclusive joint venture with Ashley Stewart Stores to introduce a new line of intimate apparel for the plus-size woman, titled The Butterfly Collection By Jill Scott.

The entire clothing line be personally inspired and designed by Jill Scott, in conjunction with Ashley Stewart whose name and image will be utilized in all marketing and merchandising concepts.

Scott's Blues Babe Foundation will benefit from the association with Ashley Stewart Stores Community Foundation. This has already begun with the launch of the Cecil B. Moore recreation center in Ms. Scott's hometown of North Philadelphia.

Condemned to be closed by the city due to funding shortages, an initial donation of more than $100,000 by the Foundation was able to renovate the auditorium, bathrooms, floors, and swimming pool, and provide new outdoor basketball courts and a new kitchen. With the city's help, the roof was repaired, the gym was renovated and the Center is now a safe haven for many kids, with attendance more than doubled for most programs.


JUDGE TOSSES 'CRAZY' CASE AGAINST MIJAC: Judge calls plaintiff 'unbalanced celebrity stalker.'

*Daniel Kapon, the 22-year-old man who was suing Michael Jackson for a number of wild allegations, had his case thrown out of court after he failed to show up for the start of his own trial, reports E! Online.

Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Rold Treu even called him an "unbalanced celebrity stalker" while granting Jackson's legal team their motion to dismiss the case.

Among other things, Daniel had accused Jackson of child molestation, assault, battery, false imprisonment, plagiarism and fraud. He also claimed that his mother was in the "Thriller" video, and married Michael on numerous occasions.

"I think the judge realized how crazy the lawsuit was," Jackson attorney Thomas C. Mundell told reporters outside the courtroom.

In the lawsuit filed in January 2006 in Orange County, and then refiled in Los Angeles that March, Kapon claimed he was first molested by the pop star in 1987, when he was 2 years old. He said over the next 12 years, Jackson sexually assaulted him, forced him to take drugs and drink alcohol, subjected him to unnecessary cosmetic surgery, burned, tortured and beat him. Kapon also claimed the entertainer stole song ideas from him between 1987 and 1997.

In December 2006, Treu tossed out all of the allegations relating to stealing music, but kept in accusations of assault, battery, false imprisonment and a sexual battery.

On Thursday, the judge granted a motion filed by Kapon's most recent attorney, Barry Fischer, to be relieved as counsel. Fischer said that he hadn't heard from Kapon since November and didn't know whether he is "ill, dead or simply refusing to respond." The lawyer filed a missing persons report with the L.A. Police Department on Jan. 3 and attached it to his request to step down, reports E! Online.

According to court documents filed Dec. 17 by Jackson's camp, Kapon testified in a deposition that his mother was in Jackson's "Thriller" video, and the platinum-selling artist later married her several times after falling "madly in love" with her. Elizabeth Taylor, Celine Dion, Elton John, Paul McCartney, Beyoncé Knowles and Diana Ross were among the guests at their various weddings, Kapon said.

Per Kapon's complaint, it was after Jackson fell for his mom that he molested Kapon on and off for 12 years, both at Jackson's Encino, California, home and at his Neverland Ranch. In his deposition, Kapon said that he fathered Jackson's two oldest children, Prince and Paris by artificial insemination after Jackson had him ejaculate into a jar and later used his semen to impregnate ex-wife Debbie Rowe.

"He was obsessed with geniuses and blood lines and he told me that he wanted to continue my blood line, which he believed to be related to the Rothschilds," Kapon said.

Also according to the Dec. 17 filing, at another point during the deposition, Kapon claimed to have seen Jackson dining with Cuban dictator Fidel Castro at a New York restaurant.

"These are not good-faith deposition answers," Mundell wrote in his filing. "They are the ravings of an unbalanced celebrity stalker."


ORLANDO JONES TO PLAY GAY FATHER: Actor stars in indie film as gay spouse who annoys the surrogate mother of his unborn child.

*Orlando Jones is set to star as a homosexual man yearning for a baby in the film "Misconceptions," an indie comedy-drama from director and co-writer Ron Satlof.

The project features "Criminal Minds" star A.J. Cook as a religious conservative who receives a message from God telling her to act as a surrogate mother for two gay men desiring to raise a child.

Jones will play Terry, the hopeful parent who comes to the woman's home to micromanage every step of her pregnancy and in the process causes havoc. David Moscow will play his life partner.


BARACK OBAMA'S NAME MISPELLED ON FLA. BALLOTS: Plus, Oprah dispatches Andre to touch up senator's gray hair.

*Oprah Winfrey said she wanted to do whatever she could to get her friend Barack Obama into the White House. Apparently, that includes personal grooming.

Gossip reporter Janet Charlton is reporting that the talk show host has sent her personal hair stylist Andre Walker to Barack's campaign to hook up a color and cut. Word has it that Andre is "minimizing" the Democratic hopeful's gray hair.

In other Obama news, Central Florida's Local 6 News reported Sunday that some 2,000 absentee ballots in Volusia County were mailed out with the candidates first name misspelled B-A-R-A-K.

Supervisor of Elections Ann McFall assured people that the voting equipment will be able to read the ballots despite the error and all votes for the misspelled name will count for Obama.


DENZEL IS STILL AMERICA'S FAVORITE MOVIE STAR: Actor remains atop annual Harris Poll.

*Denzel Washington gave moviegoers two new reasons to like him in 2007. His films "American Gangster" and "The Great Debaters" are both surrounded by Oscar buzz, and fans voting in Harris Poll's latest favorite movie star list have voiced their approval by placing him at No. 1 for the second year in a row.

Will Smith made the list at No. 5 with his 2007 film "I Am Legend" still topping the box office overseas.

Ranking Nos. 2 through 4 are "Charlie Wilson's War" star Tom Hanks, "Sweeney Todd" actor Johnny Depp and Hanks' "Charlie Wilson's War" co-star Julia Roberts.

For men, Washington is their favorite while women cite Tom Hanks as their top film star. Baby Boomers (those aged 43-61) and Matures (those aged 62 and older) have also voted Washington as their favorite movie star.

In the East, Washington and Hanks are tied for favorite while Hanks stands alone on top in the Midwest. In the West it’s Depp, while Smith is the favorite in the South.

For Republicans, Hanks is the favorite, while for Democrats it’s Washington. Independents say Depp is their No. 1 pick.

These are the results of a nationwide Harris Poll of 1,114 U.S.
adults surveyed online by Harris Interactive between December 4 and 12, 2007.


THE COURTSHIP OF DJIMON AND KIMORA LEE: Lovebirds talk about their relationship in Harper's Bazaar.

*Kimora Lee Simmons and her boyfriend model/actor Djimon Hounsou share a photo spread in the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar magazine and talk candidly about their relationship.

"My first impression has always been the same: that she’s a beautiful lady, very capable and intelligent and smart with great family values," Djimon says of Kimora. "You see her reality show, and some would call her a quote-unquote high-maintenance lady. Some people may look at it as if it’s a honeymoon stage, but she’s the least high-maintenance lady I’ve ever dated. I’ll bet my hand on that. Or however you say it."

Kimora, who last year split with her husband Russell Simmons, says of Djimon: "He’s a reality check for me, and I’m a fabulosity check for him. After my breakup, I thought, I don’t need anything. Russell used to tell me, ‘You look good, you’re wealthy, you’re young, you have kids. Screw the world.’ And I kind of started to believe that. But now I have someone who has the heart, the soul, and the hotness. Who knows? I could be eating my words later, but I really doubt it. If people were betting, they would bet their good money on Djimon."

The Baby Phat CEO said of her courtship with the film star: "When you’re not looking, that’s when it happens. And I have a lot of hang-ups in life with men. I’m not very trusting. Rightfully so. Read between the lines."

"I’m very good at exchanging numbers with people for business, and that’s what I did," Kimora recalls. "He said, ‘Are you really going to use that number, or are you going to use it for business?’ That made me think, Oh."

When Djimon texted her a few days later; she called him immediately.

"I’m so over that new thing of talking to everyone on the pager," Kimora says. "I’m much more into old-world, intimate conversations on the phone. I like to write letters."


ITTY BITTY BITS: J.Lo and manager split; Prodigy's video; Longoria not pregnant; Paula wants kids; Snoop renews vows.

*Jennifer Lopez has severed ties with her longtime manager Irving Azoff, but both parties have different accounts of how the separation went down. Azoff's people tell the New York Daily News that he gave J.Lo the heave ho via a nasty phone call and letter, saying she was "unprofessional"
and that her husband Marc Anthony would "constantly meddle." But the pregnant diva's rep tells TMZ the parting was her idea and that "she let him go on Friday with no drama."

*Rapper Prodigy, who was just given another month to get his medical situation together before beginning a 3 ½ year jail sentence, reportedly shot a music video at the Queens House of Detention a few days before officials announced the postponement of his incarceration, reports the New York Daily News. "Backed by his band, Johnson spent eight hours rapping in a cellblock," the newspaper reported. "A correction official tells The News' Barbara Ross that Johnson paid for the cell." Prodigy, born Albert Johnson, was sentenced to jail on gun charges, but was given 30 days to arrange for the treatment of his sickle cell anemia.

*Apparently a "baby bump" has spotted on Eva Longoria-Parker, but the actress says she and her NBA star husband Tony Parker are not expecting. The extra pooch, she claims, is just the result of a healthy appetite. "No pregnancy, not yet," said the "Desperate Housewives" star Saturday during an interview for her new film, "Over Her Dead Body," in Santa Monica. "I've been cooking and eating, cooking and eating. I keep telling everyone that I've gained 10 pounds just being on strike."

*Meanwhile, "American Idol" judge Paula Abdul wishes she were pregnant. "I want kids!" the singer recently told Ladies' Home Journal for its February issue. "If it doesn't happen naturally, I can always adopt." Abdul, 45, also spoke about her personal life, saying of 32-year-old boyfriend J.T. Torregiani: "I've experienced real loneliness, so I love knowing there's someone I can share the good and the not-so-good with."

*After 10 years of marriage, Snoop Dogg and his wife Shante recently renewed their vows, reports gossip wrier Janet Charlton. The ceremony is likely to air on his E! reality show "Father Hood."


SPORTS BITS: LeBron comments on speeding ticket; Venus advances in Australia; several Giants celebrate playoff win.

*Asked by the Cleveland Plain Dealer to comment on his Dec. 30 speeding ticket, LeBron James said: "It's no big deal. I was on my way home to go to sleep. You have to abide by the rules. I made a mistake." As previously reported, the Cleveland Cavaliers star was in his white Mercedes going 101 mph on Highway 71, which has a speed limit of 65 mph, when he was stopped by Ohio state police at 2:43 a.m. James said he was driving home after arriving back in Cleveland with the team following a road game in New Orleans. Officer Harley Steppenbacker said the baller was polite and cooperative after being pulled over.

*It was Venus' turn Tuesday to advance to the second round of the Australian Open, one day after her sister accomplished the same feat. Venus, the eighth seed and reigning Wimbledon champion, won 6-2, 7-5 over China's Yan Zi. The recent fashion school grad is looking to capture her first ever win at the Grand Slam event. Out of nine attempts, Williams has reached the final round only once (in 2003) and the semis once (in 2001). "I'm looking to definitely improve on my results, I've come close to winning, I'd like to try again," she said.

*From the pages of New York Post's Page Six, word has it that New York Giants players Plaxico Burress, Antonio Pierce and Ruben Droughns hit up Manhattan's Home nightclub Sunday after beating the Dallas Cowboys in Texas and started poppin' bottles of Grey Goose vodka, Bacardi and champagne. "Adoring fans at the club sent over more bottles of champagne and were chanting, 'Gi-ants! Gi-ants!,'" the column reported. "The trio stayed until closing and paid their $1,000 bill - but in all the excitement, forgot to tip their waitress."


BLACK REGISTERED VOTERS IN GA OUTPACE WHITES 3 TO 1: Numbers reached despite blacks comprising less of Georgia's electorate.

*The Atlanta Journal-Constitution is reporting that in the last three months of 2007, African Americans in Georgia registered to vote at a rate three times that of whites in Georgia.

The numbers may be incremental, but they do show a definite trend. From Oct. 1, 2007 to Jan. 1, 2008, the number of black, registered active voters increased 1.6 percent to 1.2 million. Over the same period, the number of white active voters increased .5 percent to 2.9 million, the newspaper reported.

African-Americans make up 27 percent of the Georgia electorate, according to the new figures. Whites make up 66 percent.

When divided by race and gender, black males - who generally have a spotty voting record - increased their numbers the most, by 1.9 percent.


EUR DVD REVIEW: Mr. Woodcock
Gym Teacher and Ex-Student Square-Off in Over-the-Top Insult Comedy

DVD Review by Kam Williams

*As a pudgy seventh grader, John Farley (Seann William Scott) was embarrassed by his overbearing phys-ed teacher (Billy Bob Thornton) who made him strip in front of the class for forgetting to wear his sweat suit.

After being driven by nightmares of the humiliating incident to lose all the excess fat, John grew up to write a best-selling book to inspire others to achieve their dreams.

13 years later, Farley, now a famous self-help guru, has been lured back to his hometown to receive the key to the city. But upon his arrival, he’s shocked to find his widowed mother (Susan Sarandon) blissfully in love and engaged to none other than the unrepentant Mr. Woodcock. Since the sadistic drill sergeant hasn’t mellowed with age, John decides to make it his business to break them up before the creep can become his stepfather.

This scenario sets up the no-holds-barred battle royal which ensues for the duration of Mr. Woodcock, a mean-spirited insult comedy laced with locker room humor. Though the picture has a few funny moments, more of its crude bits miss than hit the mark. Who wants to see Billie Bob Thornton abuse kids for being overweight, for having asthma, or for not being athletically inclined, even if an 11th hour revelation supposedly makes everything okay in the end?

And Susan Sarandon must be very hard-up for decent roles, judging by her one-note performance as Woodcock’s dimwitted fiancée. Sadly, the five-time Oscar-nominee has been reduced to playing decidedly underwhelming characters recently, in films like Elizabethtown, Alfie and In the Valley of Elah.

By contrast, it is apparent that the less-discriminating Billy Bob Thornton has embraced the idea of appealing to the lowest possible common denominator. How else can you explain his presence in another bad taste bottom-feeder which might have been better titled Bad Gym Teacher, ala Bad Santa?

Fair (1.5 stars)
Rated PG-13 for crude humor, sexual content, profanity, mature themes and a drug reference.
Running time: 88 minutes
Studi New Line Home Entertainment
DVD Extras: Deleted scenes, "The Making of" documentary, a theatrical trailer and a featurette entitled "Trauma Tales."


EUR DVD REVIEW: The Ten
Irreverent Comedy Illustrating the Ten Commandments Out on DVD

DVD Review by Kam Williams

*Like a latter-day Moses, Jeff Reigert (Paul Rudd) has assumed the task of bringing the world the Ten Commandments. What’s weird is that this self-appointed messenger of God is hardly a model messiah, since he’s currently breaking one of the Commandments himself by cheating on his wife (Famke Janssen) with a much younger woman (Jessica Alba).

Nonetheless, when not dealing with complications flowing from his sordid love triangle, he devotes his time to introducing a series of sketches, each illustrating a different Biblical maxim, whether Thou Shalt Not Kill, Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, or elsewhat.

The film’s opening scenario, ostensibly covering the Lord’s proscription against having false gods, revolves around a skydiver whose parachute fails to open, leaving him permanently impaled in the ground neck deep, yet
somehow still alive.

If you’re having a hard time figuring out exactly what that has to do with the First Commandment, join the club. The truth is that The Ten is comprised of an assortment of disjointed silly skits which only link back to the basic theme in a very loose fashion. The movie’s bigger problem, however, is that it is rarely funny, this despite an ensemble cast full of recognizable faces such as Winona Ryder, Oliver Platt, Ron Silver, Live Schreiber, Bobby Cannavale and Kerri Kenney.

To get a decent feel for what to expect from this impossible to pigeonhole production, picture a cross of a typical Monty Python adventure and Woody Allen’s Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex. Invariably, the slipshod vignettes look unrehearsed, improvised, unedited and generally rudderless.

A blasphemous parody so painful to sit through it seems designed by the Almighty as punishment for heathens and sinners.

Fair (1 star)
Rated R for nudity, profanity, drug use and crude sexuality.
Running time: 93 minutes
Studi City Lights Home Entertainment
DVD Extras: Over 55 minutes of alternate take and deleted scene vignettes, cast audio commentary, rated and unrated trailers, ringtones, wallpaper, weblinks, interviews, "The Making of" featurette and more.


EUR MOTIVATIONAL NOTE

"Be where you are. That's an important part of living a centered life. When your life is in balance, your access to the optimal emotional state is easy and effortless." - Nick Hall: Internationally recognized psychoneuroimmunologist and author


CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS

Jan. 16: Actress-dancer Debbie Allen is 58. Singer Sade is 49. Singer Maxine Jones of En Vogue is 42. Actor Richard T. Jones ("Judging Amy") is 36.